


i need i want i will

by FreshBrains



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Domestic, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 09:02:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1422388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreshBrains/pseuds/FreshBrains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth, Paul, and Sarah take care of each other and somehow it works.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i need i want i will

Paul pressed himself to Sarah’s back, both of their bodies still damp and sticky from the shower.  He pushed her dark hair to one side, kissing the side of her neck until she shivered.  “How is she this morning?”

            Sarah sighed, running a comb through her wet swath of hair.  “Been better.  We talked, though.  That’s something.”

            Paul locked their eyes in the mirror and his face was stern, gentle.  He never betrayed a single emotion until it came to Beth and Sarah, then the stiffness of his jaw said it all.  “Should I make a call?”

            Sarah shook her head and motioned to the towel rack.  Paul fetched her wrinkled tee shirt and clean pair of black panties, which she pulled on over her tacky skin.  “Kira’s with her right now.  She always helps.”

            “Kira can’t cure depression,” Paul said, even though Sarah knew how his shoulders finally relaxed after a long day when he came through the door and Kira smiled at him.  But he was right—Beth had something that wasn’t curable with hugs and smiles.

            Sarah nodded, opening the bathroom door to let the steam out.  “But it helps.  Trust me.  If it gets really bad, I’ll call.”

            Paul nodded, but Sarah could tell he wasn’t happy—it was still hard for him sometimes, not understanding the connections between Beth and Sarah and the others.  It was hard for him to accept that tether between them that he could never be a part of.

            “Want me to check on her?”  Paul runs his hands up and down Sarah’s arms, wanting to be close to her while still giving her room to breathe.

            “No, I’ll go see her before I walk Kira to school.”  Before she left the steamy bathroom, she cupped Paul’s jaw and kissed him, firm and sweet, the kind of kiss that made his shoulders sag.  “We’ll be fine, yeah?  We’ll be fine.”

*

            Sarah raised her fist to knock on the guest bedroom door—it was in the back of the house, furnished plainly for when Cosima visited, but Beth used it when she didn’t want to sleep in the same bed with anyone else.  Sarah dropped her arm when she heard Kira’s voice.

            “I’ll make you something today, Auntie Beth,” Kira said, minding herself, keeping her voice soft like Sarah told her to. 

            Beth’s voice was relaxed; it wasn’t as tense as the night before.  “I’d like that, Monkey.  What will you make me?”

            Sarah heard the rustle of blankets.  “I have art hour today.  We’re doing paints.”

            Beth gasped softly.  “Your favorite!  But I want you to make what _you_ want to make, not what I want.”

            Sarah smiled, but she felt tears prick in her eyes.  Beth’s selflessness became too much sometimes—Kira wanted to make Beth happy, and Beth could barely handle it. 

            “I’ll make a picture of Mommy and Paul.  They make you happy, right?”

            There was a short silence and Sarah could just see them curled up together in the milky morning light.  “They sure do, sweetheart.  But don’t forget to put yourself in the picture.  I want to brag about you at work.”

            Sarah chose this moment to softly knock.  “It’s Sarah.”

            “Come in,” Beth said, voice calm and tired.  The room was still dark with only stripes of light coming in through the closed blinds.  Beth was in her tee shirt and pajama pants, face pale and a little sallow, and Kira was snuggled next to her in her blue pajamas.  Beth’s arm held Kira close, like she was a life preserver.

            “Do I really have to go to school today?”  Kira asked, voice pleading rather than whining.  She looked so cozy and sweet next to Beth, so _right_ , that it almost seemed like a crime to pull them apart. 

            Sarah sat down on the edge of the bed and caught Beth’s gaze—it was even and soft, a look that said _please don’t worry about me_.  “But you have your art class today, Monkey.  You don’t want to miss that.”

            Kira bit her lip and looked up at Beth.  “Your mom’s right,” she answered, brushing back Kira’s curls.  Kira curled into her side like a puppy.

            “How about you?” Sarah asked Beth, stroking her bare ankle beneath the covers.  “Taking the day off?”

            Beth sighed, rubbing her eyes.  “I was thinking about it.  Art knows that it’s been a long week.”

            Sarah nodded.  “Paul and I were heading out today to meet with Rachel, but one of us can stay home.  Take a sick day.  It’s a slow process.”  The slowest process, really—Rachel and her pro-clone ways were tricky to navigate, but now that they had her away from Leekie (but no less ruthless), they weren’t quite as on-edge about finding answers. 

            Beth checked her watch, which she always kept at the bedside table.  “No, I think I’ll go in today.  I’ll do paperwork, take it easy.”  She nudged Kira.  “Maybe I’ll take this one to school so you and Paul can get breakfast.”

            “Can we wear our red mittens?”  Kira looked up hopefully at Beth, then at Sarah.  “Mommy can wear hers, too, we can all walk together!”

            Both Beth and Sarah laughed—Alison made them all red knit mittens for Christmas the year before.  They had a whole basket of red wool in the hall closet, all jumbled together, but Beth and Paul both vowed they would _never_ go out as a family in matching woolens.  “You and Auntie Beth may _certainly_ wear your red mittens, and when I pick you up this afternoon, I’ll wear mine.”  Nobody would think any differently—it would just be Kira’s mother both ways, a small brunette in red wool mittens.  “Why don’t you go get dressed?”

            Kira bounded away and Sarah took her spot, curling next to Beth in the warm bed.  “You sure about today?”

            Beth nodded, taking Sarah’s hand.  “I’m sure Paul won’t be happy.”

            Sarah rolled her eyes.  “Paul wants us all under glass, you know that.  He worries.”

            Beth scrunched her face in annoyance.  “It’s new for me.  He was so detached for so long…now he’s the opposite.”  She reached for her watch.  “I have to get up.  Take my meds.”

            Sarah reached into the pocket of her jeans.  “Have ‘em right here.”

            Beth smiled and laughed a little, taking the pills with water from the night table.  “For a little punk, you’re not bad to have around.”

            Sarah grinned, resting her chin on Beth’s shoulders.  “Someone has to hold down the fort.  Keep the clones in line.”

            Beth nodded, looking Sarah in the eye.  They used to think of it as a mirror, but it wasn’t like that much anymore.  They were both the mirror, reflecting everything in their life—Paul, Kira, Mrs. S., Felix, Alison, Cosima, Rachel, Leekie.  They reflected it back at each other and saw it in the same light.  It worked for them.  “I’m glad I’m here, Sarah.  With you.  With them.”

            Sarah exhaled deeply and curled into Beth’s side.  “Me too, you bloody cop.”

*

            “Paul, do you love Mommy?”  Kira looked up from her picture book, something with lots of sparkly pictures that Alison gave her. 

            Paul froze as he spread jam on a piece of bread for Kira’s lunch, a task he never thought in a million years he’d enjoy doing.  “Yes, I do.”

            Kira hummed in approval.  “Do you love Auntie Beth?”

            Paul pressed the sandwich together and tucked it in Kira’s lunch bag.  “You know I do.  And I love you very much, and Mrs. S, and Felix when he isn’t being mean, and all of your aunts.”  He was never used to speaking to children; it just wasn’t something he ever thought he’d have to do.  But Kira was different—she was tough like Sarah, subdued like Beth, smart like Cosima and quick like Alison.  Kira was so many things, it was impossible not to love her.

            Kira looked up at him, unhappy with his response.  “Paul.  You _know_ what I mean.”

            Paul sighed, sitting down next to her at the table.  “I know.  But it’s true.  I love all of you.  You all make me happy.”  It was as honest as Paul got, and it wasn’t hard to do so.

            Kira nodded.  “You make me happy, too.”

            Paul smiled.  He didn’t offer a hug—he only hugged Kira before bed, and that was what they liked, that was what worked for them.  “We’re okay, Kira.  Don’t worry about anything.”

            For the first time in a long time, everything felt like it was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song of the same name by Melissa Auf Der Mar.


End file.
